Bonjour Paris!: Thailand Edition

So last time I was in Thailand I just wrote group emails, but nobody ever responded to me. It broke my heart. I figure this is an easier way for those of you who at least pretend to care what I do with my life to keep up with me. Yes, I realize this blog was supposed to be about my semester abroad, but I don't feel like making a new one. It's my summer abroad, so there's your correlation. So I'm working at the Mercy Children's Home in Pattaya Thailand. About twenty kids live there. These are kids who have been rescued from horrible family situations. Just recently we got two new kids from the slums. I actually saw today where they used to live, and Mercy is without a doubt the better place for them. My days are pretty routine. I live in the really really luxurious volunteer house with a volunteer named Sharon and her... I guess he's kind of her ward, Golf. I wake up around 6am to Golf serenading me in Thai. What a way to start my day. Then I loll about in my sweat until I figure that I should take a shower. Our bathroom is the nicest bathroom I've ever had. We have no hot water. We do not have a flush toilet. There is a hole in the floor that drains down to the shit pit. It's pure luxury. Then I try and get myself ready before I start sweating again. Breakfast is composed of whatever is not frozen from my uber powerful mini fridge plus some peanut butter. The two dogs, Shasta and Shilo, maul me until I give them something to eat. Then they run away leaving me alone. If that's not true love then I don't know what is. Then Sharon and I hop on her motor bike to head to the actual Mercy Home. Once there I fart around and do what's needed until about noon. It's really slow in the morning, because all the kids are at school except for the 3 toddlers. They go down for a nap and then Sharon and I go to lunch. After lunch is nap time. Then they wake up. Snacks. Playing time. Kids come home from school. More playing. Ride home. Eat dinner. Sweat on the couch. Fall asleep around....8pm. I've turned into a 90 year old woman, but what's new? Once in a while I get to go into town to buy groceries or whatever. Sundays are church days. I'm not exactly one with the Lord, so I usually go sit in air conditioning drinking iced lattes until they're done. Life is simple and easy. Definitely a change from the mean streets of Paris. HA. The most exciting thing that's happened to me here is that I took a face plant today on the street. I was headed to the coffee shop where I sit while everyone is in church. I was feeling fly in my JCrew chino shorts and UW tshirt. My rainbows are not so fly anymore, because the dogs decided to rip the strap halfway. I'm going to blame the ripped strap for why I took a tumble (not as bad as Scarlet). I literally fell flat forward. Ripped the skin off the side of my foot and only protected my money maker (my model face DUH) with my palms. They now look like something has laid a chicken sized egg in each one. This makes doing basically anything painful and unfortunate. Showering or washing my hands is especially interesting. The combined stinging sensation thanks to the soap plus the simple pain of touching my severely bruised palms together with any sort of pressure makes these activities something I now look forward to more than usual. I just reread what I wrote and I sound like whiny biotch. I mean I am in freaking Thailand. I guess I should express something that I'm grateful for to counteract all my negativity. Thinking.....For those of you with delicate sensibilities stop reading...HERE. I'm not going into detail, because it'd be gross. My stomach has finally stopped feeling like there's a raging wild fire in it, and that is all I'm going to say. Also, this internet has aircon and I am grateful for that. I don't know if I'm going to update again, because nothing that different is going to be happening in the next couple of weeks. If you love me send me an email for me to read with some juicy gossip. Perez just isn't cutting it lately.

"its my fucking 21st!!!!!!!!!!!!"............"ya bitch we know"

once again writing a post because i dont want to do work. this is the best procrastination tool ever. so all i really have to talk about is my 21st. in paris nobody gives a flying fuck bc theyve all been drinking booze since they were on the tit. even though my father has maintained a relatively liberal policy on bevs with me for a long while (and more recently momma kimster as well thanks to douglas) ive still held on to an american mindset of drinking. im pretty sure that we have so many binge drinking problems in the states bc its so restricted for the youth. i mean its a little ridiculous that an 18 year old can go die for their country but cant enjoy a beer. ok getting way off topic but you get my point. so anywayssss back to me bc thats what this blog is all about BAH. so regardless of me being in france, i wanted a real american 21st. i wanted to drink too much and make lots of bad decisions and want to die the next day. i didnt really know if that was going to happen though bc my bday fell on a monday. its hard going out on mondays but even worse in paris bc there is literally nothing going on. i decided to just do my own thing anyways. my friends and i made it to our fav spot beho for happy hour. we immediately ordered two drinks each bc the eight hour happy hour was almost over. for some reason we can never get our shit together on time. i decided on long islands due to their drinkability as well as the high percentage of alcohol to mixer. it seemed after my 3rd that it was a bad decision bc i didnt feel shit. i was a little cranky. the bartender was nice though and extended happy hour for cocktails another hour. after we had had our fill of 3,50 stellas and 4,50 long islands...and a random gin and tonic?.....we peaced out to go to hideout. we wanted cheap pints and hideout is the place. being a monday there were approximately....ZERO ppl in the bar. i think at this point is when all the long islands hit me and i said bai bai to reality. hideout was a BLAST. hunter and i attempted to "shag" again. no we did not try to fuck in the middle of the bar. apparently the shag is a dance thing? i dont think its made its way to wm but i think we could make it happen. some wasted frenchies tried to come in but they got hardcore bounced. they sang me happy birthday before they left though. then begged me to let them buy me a drink so that they could stay. im pretty sure i just laughed in all their faces and continued to love on my pint. then the bartender made them say baiiiii and they were escorted out like misbehaving toddlers. we wrapped up at hideout and decided to make a return to the illustrious banana cafe. we hadnt gone back since oriental night which was special for everyone. the coat check boy was faboosh and wished me a happy bday. upon entering ALL MY JAMS were playing so i was tearing up the dance floor solo. the resident drag queen decided she wanted to...i dunno what her point was but basically she lifted my skirt. i tried to retaliate but seeing as she was wearing a very tight mesh dress with accompanying thong and bra it didnt go well. i returned to my solo on the dance floor (where were kate and hunter iunno? dancing with me? who knows) kate had to go bai bai bc she had a test but hunter stayed...even though he also had a test. i think he went bai bai to the real world at this point too. i dont want to go into more details but that night banana cafe won and hunter and i both LOST. i got home google phoned katie h. at around 6:30 but had to go soon after. my trash can was calling me. it continued to call me until around 4 pm the next day. tuesday was a sad day. my bed and i got really close though. also THANK GOD FOR SVU ONLINE. something about olivia and elliot catching pedos and rapists makes my heart sing. i did not even make it to dinner even though its approximately 10 feet away from my bed. pathetic. in the end all the pain was worth it bc i had a true american 21st....even though it was in paris. also cost WAY TOO MUCH. but its ok im just going to not eat anything until april except what mme gives me and CROUS (...like the caf but impossible to truly explain). the boozing continues as im going to champage on saturday. i havent actually read the itinerary but i hope its fun. or else thats a whole saturday wasted. have to be at that shit by 8:30! and now my followers (the few but loyal except for katie bc shes a horrible friend and doesnt love me enough to actually read any of these...i guarantee you she will see this in about 2 months and be offended hahahahah <3) i might actually do work...nah dawg gonna stumble upon until dindin.

only bc my planner told me i had to

writing a really fast and short-ish post bc i wrote it down in my planner and im procrastinating from doing any real work. teeps was here this weekend. it was magical. for deets ask her bc im sure she would love to tell you about almost getting put in jail. im not joking. just ask her. currently digesting a feast of a lunch that ended up in us feeding pigeons to freak out kate. shes gonna need a xanax once we get to venice...hahahahahahhaha. i have 2 outlines (1pg each) and accompanying introductions (1pg each) due tomorrow for my conference classes. instead of doing this relatively simple assignment, i am writing this. how pathetic. i literally am incapable of doing any real work. other things i am putting off: figuring out accommodations for spring break, taking a shower, anything that involves getting out of bed. i had a special night on thursday mostly due to the fact that teach me how to dougie, youre the one that i want, and i had the time of my life all came on in the bar in the sex dungeon/dance floor. it was too much for me to handle. i was able to go to a very nice dinner on friday with my friends and teepsy for my upcoming 21st aka tomorrow courtesy of papa hoge. it was worth it. kate flirted with a flower man and two waiters "pretended" to steal my debit card. i also ate a baby animal aka lamb covered in sauce. i dont feel bad at all. i also received a package from my father earlier this week containing brand new clothes (tags still on) from jcrew. i cried a little. i also received 2 pairs of my cords that i left in home. what a fool i was thinking i could make it 4 months without cords. pffffft. when teeps came she brought me more than gifts from america. i got my dryer sheets and shampoo as requested. also papa hoge sent with her my hacker manual (for the papers im avoiding) and funny face (writing one paper on it HAH). hilz sent me a lovely romantic letter. jenn however sent me 21 things for my 21 years of life. all 21 things came from the dolla dolla billz section at target. i know have in my possession a snake mask (favorite), disney princess card games, and glow sticks. those are just a sampling of the treasures i got. teeps brought me a commemorative kate and william shot glass from london. basically im set for life. the weather has been really nice which is great for my mood. it was a little colder today but still significantly warmer than it was when we first got here. IT IS MY BDAY TOMORROW BTW. 21. it doesnt mean shit in paris but im going to make it mean something. we failed at going out for my bday officially bc teepsy was exhausted and i was worn out from special times thursday. you think i would get it by now that when i go out on thursdays im a crazy and die for the rest of the weekend. O NO. almost forgot...but i couldnt forget this jewel. as ive mentioned before, mme LOVESSS to talk crazy at dindin. last night was a new high. we started on modern art (i had gone to pompidou that day) we ended up at legalizing prostitution and gays. a choice tidbit from this rambling convo was mme admitting to me that her friend and her back in the day had jokingly made a pact to become humanitarian prostitutes for the needy. imagine your GRANDMOTHER saying this to you. well its approx 7 pm and i have yet to start these papers due tomorrow at 11 so im going to wrap this up. aka im probably going to stumble upon for an hour then eat dinner then roll around.

put it in my mouth right meow...so porn

sorry for the huge gap in posts but i think i was suffering from seasonal depression bc paris is one big fucking grey blob with dog shit everywhere. ANYWAYS things were just trucking and nothing really exciting happened. thennnn api went out on the planned excursion to the south of france. it was love. we stayed in aix-en-provence for two nights and we made a day trip to cassis. then we spent a day in marseille as well. im in love with aix. its literally so beautiful and picturesque. we just walked around all day and got lost in the little streets. ate so much good food. there was even an open air market on saturday. that was probably my favorite part. so many awesome fruits and veggies, cheese, seafood, pottery, anything you could ever want. we also had a very successful evening out including tapas, karaoke, me getting called a BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH by a blackout french woman, me getting confrontational with some sleazy ass guys, dancing to black eyed peas then realizing everyone in the bar was chanting FUCK THE USA (so charming) but thinking they were chanting CHUG USA, then hitting up SNACK CESAR for a burger. o but wait that burger came on a BAGUETTE. and there were fries INSIDE the baguette. i ate it in the dark in bed by my usual standards and woke up with makeup and beef all over my sheets. cassis is a teeny tiny seaside town. hunter crapped his pants with joy bc he missed the coast so much. im not gonna lie i may have needed a wet one as well bc i LOVED it. putting my feet in the mediterranean was magnifique! marseille was a little meh just bc we were in a bus for the majority of the day. let me tell you i thought french ppl smelled bad but so do americans if you throw them in a non-ac bus for a million years. i think my face got sunburned through the window. i was like a little ant being fried under a microscope and if you know me you know how delicate my skin is. its like fucking rice paper. you blow on it and it decides to hate me and i turn into a scaly man fish. all weekend we continuously got snacks from the grocery and we all found a new love for pasta salad and couscous from the little markets. i think i ate about a million of those little tuperwares. o and fresh fruit tasted like angel pee. and by angel pee i mean it was the most glorious taste ever. heavenly.
the weekend trip proved to be a great escape for me and it has enabled me to reflect on my life in paris a little. i didnt realize until i got to the south that i wasnt that happy in paris. i was FINE but i wasnt having the time of my life. this is something i expected before i left partially bc im a debbie downer pessimistic polly negative nancy but also bc i had talked it about with kitty kat a lot before i came. she recently just spent her semester in spain and had an amazing time but as we both decided in discussion not "the time of her life" kat and i are very similar in that what most people see as being huge markers in their lives aka highschool, college, study abroad, etc havent exactly panned out how they do for most people. im not saying these things have been absolutely horrible and scarring (thought sometimes yes) but mostly that we dont see them as the best years of our lives. i know personally that i have no desire for college to be the best of my life bc then wtf is the point of living anymore. i may be a downer but im not about to settle for that and off it once i graduate. anyways im getting a little off track here. point is, ppl always say that study abroad is SO AWESOME OMG IM SO JEALOUS I HAD SO MUCH FUN IN ________________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! insert any generic country there. not that paris is original. like i said before, i wasnt expecting that experience at all. but i guess i still got a little down bc i feel like everyone around me IS having that much fun while i just dont feel that excited. i know i should be shitting my pants to be in PARIS but im not. i will begrudgingly give up some of that to culture shock. the other part i dont really know. partially the lack of sunlight, although i have a hard time believing that seeing as i come from seattle where the sun is as rare if not more so than paris. i think i was coming to the brink of a lexi meltdown. if any of you have witnessed one of these, its not pretty. aka: rachel (hey remember that one time on the floor? o wait that was every weekend) so our little excursion to the land of the sun was just what i needed to get myself out of a funk. i readjusted my attitude and im going to let go of any anger i have towards things here. yes i will point out that its really fucking annoying that i have to avoid dog shit every time i walk out my door or that even when i try to speak french people feel the need to speak english to me, but i will not simmer over how much it pisses me off. its just paris and i cant change it. what i can do is get the FUCK over myself and start being proactive and positive. kate hunter and i will be going to all the monuments and be tourists bc guess what WE ARE TOURISTS. we will speak french even when we get responses in english. (sorry for throwing you guys in this but its a team effort right? meow...) i dont wanna come back and have regrets about my experience bc of what i did or didnt do. im going all out and letting myself be open to experiences and not be afraid of looking stupid (not hard) or making mistakes.
on a less soul searching note....teeps is arriving tomorrow night and im so excited that im shaking with anticipation of attacking her in gare du nord. shes bringing me gifts of america aka dryer sheets and i cant fucking WAIT. its also my 21st in a week so we will be running all over town. ive requested a bucket list as my only gift and im pretty sure that singing and or dancing in the metro for money will be involved. im a little terrified bc i think kate will take this really seriously and i will end up naked passed out in the metro right next to a hobo with a mustache tattooed on my face. on the upside ive always wanted a mustache tattoo. nothing a little makeup cant deal with RIGHT!??!?!?!??!?! i really hope i can show teepsy a good time bc i feel like she has high expectations for my expertise. ill just fake it till i make it. anyways the hw calls bc i apparently have a test tomorrow? blah id rather lie in bed and eat butter cookies.

BLACK SWAN

i am the black swan. not in the strictly ballet sense in the film natalie portman is a psycho bitch sense. not to gross you all out but i literally had some sort of skin issue that was starting to resemble her feather sprouting. it was a running joke with my friends until it became an actual problem and i realized it was literally all over my body. it came time for me to see a doctor. un medecin. i talked to my director and she scheduled an appt for me for (drumroll) VALENTINES DAYYYYYY! the perk was i got to miss class. so i rolled up to the doctor completely flipping out bc i was nervous to be going to a french doctor and explaining my nasty to her. on top of that i had no idea how it all worked. if you didnt know this, to get into buildings here you have to like enter in codes and push weird buttons that look like doorbells and all this shit. its a fucking nightmare if youre not used to it. so i was flustered just getting into the fucking fortress of a building but then i just came upon a silent room with a few frenchies sitting around. i had to call my director again to be like...um do i just sit here or is there someplace i check in. turns out you just sit. to make things worse i thought i was gonna have a lady doc but she was on fucking vacation so a dude was subbing for her. not just a dude. he turned out to be the FUCKING HOTTEST DOCTOR IN THE WORLD WTF IS MY LIFE. so i had to explain to this man who was a combo of robert pattinson/josh duhamel that i was breaking out in a full body rash. he quickly realized that i was french retarded and started speaking to me in perfect english. o ya and he has family in seattle. destiny? duh. except for that little gold ring on his left hand. anyways he was really funny too which just made me laugh like some demented 16 year old girl as i was sweating profusely from the anxiety. then came the actual examination. he was like....can you take off your sweater. all im thinking is...fuck i hope i shaved my armpits today. thankfully i had so no worries. then he was looking at my chest examining it then he decided to gently pull down my tank to see how far the nasty went. in doing so he placed his hands directly on my boobs which directly caused my face to explode. then the kicker of the whole shit show. ummm maybe you should take off your jeans? 1. i was wearing not very presentable undies aka dr lips (O YA HIS LAST NAME IS LIPS TRY AND NOT MAKE SOME SORT OF QUIP ABOUT THAT SHIT) would see my lady parts which i wasnt ready for. call me old fashioned. 2. i hadnt shaved my legs in about 23905723985398579823479823749 years. whatever was left of my face disintegrated from the heat radiating through my cheeks and it rushed down my neck until i was standing there wanting to die. i mumbled something that probably came out in my long forgotten korean and quickly pulled up the legs of my jeans to show him instead of having to pull them down. the appointment wrapped up quickly after that but in conclusion my black swan turned out to be...psoriasis. now psoriasis is gross. and its 1. caused by stress 2. genetic 3. incurable. thankfully i dont have the kind that turns into "plaque" if you wanna know i dare you to look it up but basically when im stressed out i turn into an evil swan queen thanks to momma kim...omg that explains my entire childhood. basically he prescribed me hyrdocortisone in ridiculous quantities and some crazy strong lotion. best part of it all is that i get to put it on with gloves. i had to go to the pharmacy to get all of this shit and she looked at me like i was some pervert. and to be honest i feel like some sort of perv having to lather myself up with fucking gloves. its some dexter shit (thanks for the reference hunter). thankfully my evil twin has started to subside and im looking less....disgusting. i have to go back to see dr lips in a few weeks though. hopefully i can not act like a subhuman when i see him again although hes probably already written a prescription for a mental institution.
ANYWAYS TALKING ABOUT MORE NORMAL STUFF INSTEAD OF GROSS BODILY FUNCTIONSSSS
paris. its cold. im cold. and my lady doesnt put on the heat. its fine though im practicing being russian for when i NEVER go to russia. i love everything about living with her. Mme cooks me dinner every night with every course (so french) and leaves me a cute little brekkie every morning. She touches up my room to make it more homey and shes just generally the sweetest lady ever. new grandma? oui. we always have hilarious dinner convos (not necessarily intentionally) but theyre so random. tonight we talked about how her son cant cut the umbilical cord. hes like....36? hahahahah he comes over every day almost to shower and eat and stuff. so awk. her granddaughter hasnt been back in a while but her name is alex and shesssss da best. such a funny little girl. the other morning she was crying for her grandma (who couldnt hear her) so i went into her room to get her and the first thing she said to me was..."j'ai perdu mes chaussettes" aka i lost my socks. haahhahahahahahahah. i laughed so hard. turns out shes only 3. smart as a whip that little girl. ive started classes. already trying to switch professors. mine doesnt teach anything. therefore i want to leave. shes useless and i didnt come all the way to fucking paris to not learn french. weve spent the last THREE classes reading a TWO page article. im sorry but im used to reading at least 50 pages a night in french in preparation for class. im not complaining at the lack of work but still. lets move it along a little faster non? ive realized that i have a LOT of class time but outside of class i only do MAXIMUM an hour of work. that hour is also divided btw facebook and ichat while i do whatever stupid exercises i have. im probably gonna die next semester when i come back. starting next week ill have 2 hours everyday of this grammar class from 10 to 12. every other week i have an hour of phonetics from 1230 to 130. that should be interesting bc i have to run across the city to get to that class from my first one. i timed myself today and i can get there probably in 20 minutes if im fast. for those of you who know paris a little i basically have to go from the area around the pantheon all the way down to a ways past port royal. its not impossible i just dont think ill have time to eat which is so depressing. then every tuesday and wednesday i have my conferences. tuesday im taking french art history (shoot me) and wed i have "paris". i have no idea what that means but i had no other choices. both of these are two hours long from 430 to 630. so basically im going to stab my eyes out on tue and wed every other week. that idiot RACHEL SULLIVAN is coming tomorrow. im not excited at all. she thinks im gonna hang out with her but i think im just gonna leave her stranded in the banlieus by the stadium. bahah id never do that shed never be seen again. sorry for how all over the place this one way but ive sort of lost track of what i actually do with my life while im here. not having class is making my brain rot. whatever im probably just speeding up the process with my frequent stops at happy hour at one of my favorite places BEHO. just....you have to experience to know. the place itself i think isnt all that great but when you have fun people around you it can be the best 3,50 pint youve ever had. or a 4 euro monaco. i probably talk about beho everyday. how pathetic. ANYWAYS ABOUT TO PASS OUT FACEDOWN ON MY PULLOUT COUCHHHHHHHHH. send me emails or something people. but only if i actually like you. if you cant decided if i like you or not...try if you want but dont be offended if i dont respond. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. BLACK SWAN OUT.

sleepy kitty meowwww

the past few days have been very tiring. on tuesday we did a tour of musee d'orsay which was freaking early in the morning. its hard here bc you actually have to give yourself time to commute places. even if something isnt until 10 i have to be up at 8 in order to get ready and be there on time. after the museum we had some free time and my friends and i went to scavenge for noms in the big city. we found this place called MEZZO DI PASTA and let me tell you its great. its super cheap and really filling which is very rare here. then we met up for another api excursion to go ice skating. you may have seen some pics. it was a bit of a shit show so we peaced out after twenty minutes or so to avoid further embarrassment. we just decided to walk around the area to do some shopping. ive found a couple stores i really like and will probably end up buying clothes from when the weather gets warmer. that night we decided to go out (after hitting up a  brief happy hour at our new spot beho). we went to le marais which is the gayborhood to this bar called RAIDD. bahahahahhaha. we made friends with a model on the way there when she helped us with directions. in paris, fag hags arent really a thing i think. the gays arent as welcoming to females. however my girls and i just proved them wrong and we ended up having a blast. somebody had more than a blast though. lets just say none of us made it to the catacombes or the tour of the 5th the next morning. for our own separate reasons. mine being that i thought i was going to die if i moved off my couch. we all met up though for a late lunch (read 2pm). we decided on subway. best. decision. ever. it was amazing. then we went to the champs elysees for some touristing. it was freezing though so that didnt last long. all of us have been dragging a little. i myself have a cold which is really great when your nose starts to spout on the metro and you have nothing but your scarf to sop it up. today we finally got our class assignments and i placed in advanced. thats good for me bc im more likely to get credit that way. i was afraid i would place in intermediate and basically get no credit for this semester. we decided to do the catacombes after lunch to see what we had missed. i was really pissed off though bc i had to pay full price bc i didnt have proof of age. 26 and under got in for half off. i wanted to rip the ladys weave off. why would a 27 year old be hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds. i dont even look like im that old. but bitch was well....a fucking bitch. that ruined the catacombes a little bit for me today. i will say though that they would be worth it for 4 euro (not fucking 8). we headed back to api for a cheese tasting. there is such a thing as too much cheese BTW. then of course we hit up happy hour again. its a must do. my new fav is called a monaco and its basically beer mixed with raspberry and something else and it tastes like juice. dangerous. we only had one though bc we were all dragging. my first day of classes is tomorrow so i hope that it goes well. with my luck they will tell me they messed up and ill be bumped down to elementary. my french is usually a million times better when im a little turpsy though. pregaming class tomorrow?

a cultural orientation

so basically im still not doing anything school related and im just doing orientation activities. its not as bad as orientation at wm but its still....rough. the meetings last about 2 hours and its just power point. for. the. whole. time. todays was about culture shock. not to sound like a snob but ive travelled enough where i know what the fuck culture shock is. anddddddddddddd i dont wanna hear about it anymore. after that march towards death i met up with my dads friend meeja for lunch and some shopping. i picked up the shirts for my dad per his request (one light blue with french cuffs and one purple more casual) we also ate korean food which was surprisingly OK. ive been having a sore throat and some nasal dripdrop and it sucks butthole. as some of you know (rachel) im usually really nauseous in the morning when im tired which is why i dont ever eat brekkie. but since brekkie is included i feel obligated. but it makes my nausea a little worse. and on top of all that the really sexy thing i got going on in my sinuses right now just magnifies the situation further. so i went home and on the way stopped at a pharmacy to get some meds.  my academic french is pretty good but trying to explain what my issue was in order to receive the best meds was a little hard. thankfully the lady at the counter was really nice and helpful and i ended up with some lozenges and a little nasal spray that smells like australia in my nose since its made with eucalyptus. i also ventured to do some laundry today at the local lavette because mme's washing machine is CASSSSSEEEEEEEEEE (broken). i was pretty nervous and no surprise i had no idea what the fuck i was doing. thankfully there was a chinese couple there that i asked for help. they were super nice to me and helped me out with everything. i will say it was a little awk arranging my delicates around bc im pretty sure some creeper was staring and the others were judging.  they can just kiss my lacy thong butt though bc im not about to have no vp up in this joint. thankfully none of my clothes were ruined and i was home in perfect time for another marvelous dinner at home. today we talked about crazy ppl she knows. everyday is an adventure when speaking with mme. the other day i think we were talking about the plight of the elderly. ive learned that shes extremely relaxed and willing to even let friends stay over sometimes both over night and for dinner. this is great since teepsy is coming to see me soon. were gonna spoon. im trying to plan some trips around europe so if any ppl have suggestions of places they think are a must do let me know!

I need this crepe in my mouth right MEOW.

so even though my last post was only a couple days ago, so much has happened. after i finished my last post i was feeling a bit down because i hadnt heard from anyone to go out. i was gonna go to bed but then they called and said they were having some wine in the dorms. the losers had been sitting doing nothing while i fretted away. i trekked out there and we all decided to go back to chatelet. we stayed there all night. it ended up being a rather special night. i wouldnt say princess peach status but a whole different level. im not going to go into details but if youre dying to know just send me an email bc im not trying to advertise my lack of basic human functions to the whole world. we ended making some friends who attempted to help us get home. nevertheless my friends steph and serena and i didnt make it back until around 730 in the morning. it sucks that the metro closes so early. you have to either figure out the night bus which is a nightmare as i later found out or you stick it out until 6 when the metros reopen. the only plus side is that by the time i was getting home the boulangeries were open so i grabbed a pain au chocolat for a little brekkie. i woke up super late the next day. i felt really bad bc i didnt eat the breakfast that mme marchand-maillet left for me but she was cool about it. shes probably the most relaxed host mom ever. we had a night tour of the louvre and that was really beautiful. our tour guide for the trip (frederique) is so cute. shes this tiny little french woman and she is just adorable. we also went to the circus and it was a fucking freak show. plus it was THREE HOURS LONG. too much. the most entertaining part was that it was just so ridiculous. they had a singing tightrope walker who was rocking some serious back fat. i thought i was gonna take it easy after having such a late night before, but i ended up being out until 630 AGAIN. i tried to take the noctilien (night bus) but it just did not work and i ended up getting on the metro when it opened. today we had a nice little tour of montmarte. i didnt know this but the stop for montmarte is the deepest subway in paris. aka i walked up 23095729385928347 flights of stairs then walked up more stairs since montmarte is a hill. if im not in shape by the time i get back im going to slice someone. im meeting up with my dads friend tomorrow to buy him some dress shirts. im basically just his bitch while im here picking stuff up for him. im going to get some rest tonight. currently debating going to this bar where they are playing the super bowl. its essential since im such a huge sports person.

Week One: If you want to eat healthy...eat EGYPTIAN!

i was debating making a blog, and since none of you guys responded to my Thailand emails.... SO HERE IS MY FIRST VENTURE INTO BLOGDOMMMMMMMM. how thrilling. if youre new to the hoge narrative i dont really dig correct grammar or stuff like that. get used to it. if you dont like it dont read it. BACK TO DA STORY. sooo arrived in paris to grey skies. so parisian. it was also cold as balls. i lugged my shit literally all the way across CDG because i arrived on the opposite side of the meeting point. got picked up by one of my program directors melissa and two other girls came. for the first couple days we were at the hotel citadines in the 1st arrondissement which is a "hip" area...hahahahah. we did a seine boat tour where i froze to death. that night i went out with a few friends. we wanted to have a casual night in a quiet bar and it ended up being a blackout shit show. first of all we ate dinner. being students we wanted a cheap option. i remembered this place we passed earlier that was egyptian and had 5euro sandwiches. turns out thats only for lunch so it was like 10 euro meals instead. i felt so bad bc my other friends seem to be trying to really stick to a budget. they got like miniature salads....that ended up being a great way to get drunk. basically the restaurant was ridiculous. i ordered what i thought was a vegetarian platter and it ended up being like egyptian hamburger helper. the chef came out and talked to us and was like IF YOU WANT TO EAT HEALTHY EAT EGYPTIAN!!! and he was just talking up this place so much and im pretty sure we were just laughing in his face...how rude. then we started drinking at this place called hideout bar where it was so awkward and we ended up leaving after one drink. i had thought some ppl were leaving a table so we went and sat down. turns out they werent so we were all just crammed in with them. INCONFORTABLE!!!! so we moved to this place that is literally right next to the API center and it turned out to be a hidden gem. it had happy hour until ELEVEN PM. pints were 3,50 and cocktails were 4,50 which in paris is so cheap. they also turned out to have karaoke. it was beautiful...i actually could sing along with some of the songs..ahahha good thing im such a big Dalida fan (for those of you who arent raised by a gay father dalida is the french cher) we had an EXCELLENT time at that place i think its called beho. we made besties with the waiter. we then made our way back to hideout for some reason and had a few more drinks there. we then decided it would be an excellent idea to go to a gay club called banana cafe....bahahahah so much euphemism there. at banana cafe we were all in a really good place which ended up in my chi o friend kate collapsing in the foyer (we still got in) and me making sweet love to the tranny belly dancer (it turned out to be oriental night). i told her that i loved her and that she was magnifique! something about the trannys makes me CRAZAY. then we got late night crepes. i have NO clue what i got in mine but it was beautiful and made me cry. perfect drunk food. next morning we all moved into our respective abodes for the semester. it was a ROUGH day. its hard to lug suitcases when you are hungover and sweating profusely. i am living with a mme marchand-maillet. she lives in the 13th arrondissement which is CHINA TOWNNNN if you didnt know its also chinese new year which means firecrackers and parties everywhere. she lives alone with her cat timon who is very  much like a dog. she has a son and a daughter who are both older. her daughter has her own daughter who is actually staying here tonight. shes only about 5 i think. SO ADORABLEEEEE. she was talking about clowns who "fait du peepee tout nus" that means the clowns pee naked...hahahaha i have no idea where that came from but it cracked my shit up. today i took my placement test. i think it went ok but who knows. i think i placed intermediate but i hope advanced to have fewer troubles with getting credit out of this bullshiz. later this evening we went to the louvre for a tour. it wasnt that enjoyable seeing as my arm was about to fall off from carrying my laptop and my feet were on fire. i plan on going back and pretending to be british so i can get in for free. ill have to watch some accent tutorials online..hahaha. unsure for my plans for the evening but seeing as its almost 1030 i might just pass out. im a creature of the night.