Thursday, March 8, 2012

the usual


I decided not to post yesterday, because I didn’t really do anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t get the fuck out of bed in the morning. I’M IN MOTHALICKING PARIS, but I still don’t leave the house until around noon. I spent all of yesterday at the Louvre. I’ve been there enough that you would think I remembered the layout. That place is a fucking maze. I was lost in the painters of the Netherlands section for an hour. A FUCKING HOUR. I COULDN’T GET OUT. By the time I got out I had to take a break, because I had been walking in circles for so long. By the way…when going to a museum make sure you wear quiet slip-proof shoes. For the quiet part, I was tromping around in my boots like Tyra Banks/a peasant making so much noise. The Louvre is surprisingly quiet in the galleries, which I became painfully aware of as the bitchy guards stared at me. They really are sons of bitches. The meanest people ever. I didn’t want to take pictures of a million things I already have pictures of, so I took pictures of ridiculous things. Look for an album soon. Highlights include sassy dead people and the fattest man ever. So many gems. The highlight of my day was seeing a female version of Kim Jong Il. I kid you not this woman was the scariest/best dressed person I’ve ever seen. I almost died laughing in the Italian painters hall. I loved her. After the Louvre I realized that I was mothalicking starving so I made the trek to get falafel in the Marais. I just couldn’t hold out anymore. Too bad it was pouring when I got out of the metro. Still got my falafel. I did, however, eat it in a doorway looking like a hobo gypsy woman with my scarf around my head. All the trendy gays and their fashion hags looked at me like I was trash. And maybe I was, but that falafel was worth being trashy. Speaking of trashy, I just ate an entire thing of tabouli and I’m cracking open the Pringles. CHEERS KATE! (what makes them taste better here? I have those granola chocolate cookies for later in my luxury pull out couch). Today was very much the same. It was beautiful outside, so I walked through the Latin Quarter all the way to the Tuileries. It’s a really easy walk, and I love doing it. I sat outside reading my book. I hope to finish it in time to have lengthy discussion with Ray about it. It was sunny, but it was still cold as balls. When I stood up I thought my ankles were going to snap in half. AGH ALMOST FORGOT. Before I got there I stopped and got a sandwich from my favorite lady. She’s the cutest woman ever, but I don’t think she remembers me. Triste. She has the best baguette sandwiches with sun-dried tomatoes, mozzarella, AND feta. GET OUTTA HERE! Plus you get a drink and any dessert all for only five euro. That is insane. So I ate that while I read my book. I looked so native. Except Parisians somehow still manage to look somewhat classy as they eat baguettes. I just look like I’m deep-throating it.  Anyways, I went to Musée D’Orsay afterwards and walked around. They finished the renovations, so the whole thing was open. I forgot how huge it is. It is also here that I learned to not have slippery shoes. The marble floor was almost the death of me, and my boots have no traction. I did that awkward slip yelp thing about a million times. Humiliation. That just made me realize what a sketch ball I look like to people. I’m just this creepy gargantuan person walking around in a trench coat looking crazy. I keep having memory flashback when I’m walking, and then I realize that I’m smiling/laughing to myself. WEIRD. Anyways, I told Madame last night that I’d like to see Alix and go to dinner with her. It’s now evolved into a day on the town with her. I think we’re going to Montmarte for some lunch, then we will pick up Alix from school. She also wanted to go to a play. Love Madame, but it’s a little bit out of control. She did discuss the inability of French people to dance today. She suggested drinking something to loosen up. Such a wise woman. I was so tired after the museum, so I sat for a long time staring at my Paris Pratique deciding the fastest way to get home with the least amount of walking. I was starving, so I stopped at Monoprix to get a snack on the way home. The lines there were so freaking long that I just left without buying anything. Another instance of me looking like a sketchball. I went to Ed instead. HATE THAT PLACE. It is the most disgusting and ghetto grocery store ever. There was this insane woman who was just talking to herself but also to everyone about everything. I had to get the FACK out of there. Also, of course they only have the mint tabouli. So annoying. One last thought: I saw men jogging in cargo shorts. J’ADORE PARIS!

Also, does this kind of freak anyone else out?: 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2111298/Meet-Indian-couple-children-set-new-record--worlds-biggest-ALBINO-family.html

1 comment:

  1. thank GOD you're doing this again. also, ed sux. monoprix 4lyfe*~*~ i'm so jelly of you slugarina you're living, how you say, ze reve

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