"its my fucking 21st!!!!!!!!!!!!"............"ya bitch we know"

once again writing a post because i dont want to do work. this is the best procrastination tool ever. so all i really have to talk about is my 21st. in paris nobody gives a flying fuck bc theyve all been drinking booze since they were on the tit. even though my father has maintained a relatively liberal policy on bevs with me for a long while (and more recently momma kimster as well thanks to douglas) ive still held on to an american mindset of drinking. im pretty sure that we have so many binge drinking problems in the states bc its so restricted for the youth. i mean its a little ridiculous that an 18 year old can go die for their country but cant enjoy a beer. ok getting way off topic but you get my point. so anywayssss back to me bc thats what this blog is all about BAH. so regardless of me being in france, i wanted a real american 21st. i wanted to drink too much and make lots of bad decisions and want to die the next day. i didnt really know if that was going to happen though bc my bday fell on a monday. its hard going out on mondays but even worse in paris bc there is literally nothing going on. i decided to just do my own thing anyways. my friends and i made it to our fav spot beho for happy hour. we immediately ordered two drinks each bc the eight hour happy hour was almost over. for some reason we can never get our shit together on time. i decided on long islands due to their drinkability as well as the high percentage of alcohol to mixer. it seemed after my 3rd that it was a bad decision bc i didnt feel shit. i was a little cranky. the bartender was nice though and extended happy hour for cocktails another hour. after we had had our fill of 3,50 stellas and 4,50 long islands...and a random gin and tonic?.....we peaced out to go to hideout. we wanted cheap pints and hideout is the place. being a monday there were approximately....ZERO ppl in the bar. i think at this point is when all the long islands hit me and i said bai bai to reality. hideout was a BLAST. hunter and i attempted to "shag" again. no we did not try to fuck in the middle of the bar. apparently the shag is a dance thing? i dont think its made its way to wm but i think we could make it happen. some wasted frenchies tried to come in but they got hardcore bounced. they sang me happy birthday before they left though. then begged me to let them buy me a drink so that they could stay. im pretty sure i just laughed in all their faces and continued to love on my pint. then the bartender made them say baiiiii and they were escorted out like misbehaving toddlers. we wrapped up at hideout and decided to make a return to the illustrious banana cafe. we hadnt gone back since oriental night which was special for everyone. the coat check boy was faboosh and wished me a happy bday. upon entering ALL MY JAMS were playing so i was tearing up the dance floor solo. the resident drag queen decided she wanted to...i dunno what her point was but basically she lifted my skirt. i tried to retaliate but seeing as she was wearing a very tight mesh dress with accompanying thong and bra it didnt go well. i returned to my solo on the dance floor (where were kate and hunter iunno? dancing with me? who knows) kate had to go bai bai bc she had a test but hunter stayed...even though he also had a test. i think he went bai bai to the real world at this point too. i dont want to go into more details but that night banana cafe won and hunter and i both LOST. i got home google phoned katie h. at around 6:30 but had to go soon after. my trash can was calling me. it continued to call me until around 4 pm the next day. tuesday was a sad day. my bed and i got really close though. also THANK GOD FOR SVU ONLINE. something about olivia and elliot catching pedos and rapists makes my heart sing. i did not even make it to dinner even though its approximately 10 feet away from my bed. pathetic. in the end all the pain was worth it bc i had a true american 21st....even though it was in paris. also cost WAY TOO MUCH. but its ok im just going to not eat anything until april except what mme gives me and CROUS (...like the caf but impossible to truly explain). the boozing continues as im going to champage on saturday. i havent actually read the itinerary but i hope its fun. or else thats a whole saturday wasted. have to be at that shit by 8:30! and now my followers (the few but loyal except for katie bc shes a horrible friend and doesnt love me enough to actually read any of these...i guarantee you she will see this in about 2 months and be offended hahahahah <3) i might actually do work...nah dawg gonna stumble upon until dindin.

only bc my planner told me i had to

writing a really fast and short-ish post bc i wrote it down in my planner and im procrastinating from doing any real work. teeps was here this weekend. it was magical. for deets ask her bc im sure she would love to tell you about almost getting put in jail. im not joking. just ask her. currently digesting a feast of a lunch that ended up in us feeding pigeons to freak out kate. shes gonna need a xanax once we get to venice...hahahahahahhaha. i have 2 outlines (1pg each) and accompanying introductions (1pg each) due tomorrow for my conference classes. instead of doing this relatively simple assignment, i am writing this. how pathetic. i literally am incapable of doing any real work. other things i am putting off: figuring out accommodations for spring break, taking a shower, anything that involves getting out of bed. i had a special night on thursday mostly due to the fact that teach me how to dougie, youre the one that i want, and i had the time of my life all came on in the bar in the sex dungeon/dance floor. it was too much for me to handle. i was able to go to a very nice dinner on friday with my friends and teepsy for my upcoming 21st aka tomorrow courtesy of papa hoge. it was worth it. kate flirted with a flower man and two waiters "pretended" to steal my debit card. i also ate a baby animal aka lamb covered in sauce. i dont feel bad at all. i also received a package from my father earlier this week containing brand new clothes (tags still on) from jcrew. i cried a little. i also received 2 pairs of my cords that i left in home. what a fool i was thinking i could make it 4 months without cords. pffffft. when teeps came she brought me more than gifts from america. i got my dryer sheets and shampoo as requested. also papa hoge sent with her my hacker manual (for the papers im avoiding) and funny face (writing one paper on it HAH). hilz sent me a lovely romantic letter. jenn however sent me 21 things for my 21 years of life. all 21 things came from the dolla dolla billz section at target. i know have in my possession a snake mask (favorite), disney princess card games, and glow sticks. those are just a sampling of the treasures i got. teeps brought me a commemorative kate and william shot glass from london. basically im set for life. the weather has been really nice which is great for my mood. it was a little colder today but still significantly warmer than it was when we first got here. IT IS MY BDAY TOMORROW BTW. 21. it doesnt mean shit in paris but im going to make it mean something. we failed at going out for my bday officially bc teepsy was exhausted and i was worn out from special times thursday. you think i would get it by now that when i go out on thursdays im a crazy and die for the rest of the weekend. O NO. almost forgot...but i couldnt forget this jewel. as ive mentioned before, mme LOVESSS to talk crazy at dindin. last night was a new high. we started on modern art (i had gone to pompidou that day) we ended up at legalizing prostitution and gays. a choice tidbit from this rambling convo was mme admitting to me that her friend and her back in the day had jokingly made a pact to become humanitarian prostitutes for the needy. imagine your GRANDMOTHER saying this to you. well its approx 7 pm and i have yet to start these papers due tomorrow at 11 so im going to wrap this up. aka im probably going to stumble upon for an hour then eat dinner then roll around.

put it in my mouth right meow...so porn

sorry for the huge gap in posts but i think i was suffering from seasonal depression bc paris is one big fucking grey blob with dog shit everywhere. ANYWAYS things were just trucking and nothing really exciting happened. thennnn api went out on the planned excursion to the south of france. it was love. we stayed in aix-en-provence for two nights and we made a day trip to cassis. then we spent a day in marseille as well. im in love with aix. its literally so beautiful and picturesque. we just walked around all day and got lost in the little streets. ate so much good food. there was even an open air market on saturday. that was probably my favorite part. so many awesome fruits and veggies, cheese, seafood, pottery, anything you could ever want. we also had a very successful evening out including tapas, karaoke, me getting called a BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH by a blackout french woman, me getting confrontational with some sleazy ass guys, dancing to black eyed peas then realizing everyone in the bar was chanting FUCK THE USA (so charming) but thinking they were chanting CHUG USA, then hitting up SNACK CESAR for a burger. o but wait that burger came on a BAGUETTE. and there were fries INSIDE the baguette. i ate it in the dark in bed by my usual standards and woke up with makeup and beef all over my sheets. cassis is a teeny tiny seaside town. hunter crapped his pants with joy bc he missed the coast so much. im not gonna lie i may have needed a wet one as well bc i LOVED it. putting my feet in the mediterranean was magnifique! marseille was a little meh just bc we were in a bus for the majority of the day. let me tell you i thought french ppl smelled bad but so do americans if you throw them in a non-ac bus for a million years. i think my face got sunburned through the window. i was like a little ant being fried under a microscope and if you know me you know how delicate my skin is. its like fucking rice paper. you blow on it and it decides to hate me and i turn into a scaly man fish. all weekend we continuously got snacks from the grocery and we all found a new love for pasta salad and couscous from the little markets. i think i ate about a million of those little tuperwares. o and fresh fruit tasted like angel pee. and by angel pee i mean it was the most glorious taste ever. heavenly.
the weekend trip proved to be a great escape for me and it has enabled me to reflect on my life in paris a little. i didnt realize until i got to the south that i wasnt that happy in paris. i was FINE but i wasnt having the time of my life. this is something i expected before i left partially bc im a debbie downer pessimistic polly negative nancy but also bc i had talked it about with kitty kat a lot before i came. she recently just spent her semester in spain and had an amazing time but as we both decided in discussion not "the time of her life" kat and i are very similar in that what most people see as being huge markers in their lives aka highschool, college, study abroad, etc havent exactly panned out how they do for most people. im not saying these things have been absolutely horrible and scarring (thought sometimes yes) but mostly that we dont see them as the best years of our lives. i know personally that i have no desire for college to be the best of my life bc then wtf is the point of living anymore. i may be a downer but im not about to settle for that and off it once i graduate. anyways im getting a little off track here. point is, ppl always say that study abroad is SO AWESOME OMG IM SO JEALOUS I HAD SO MUCH FUN IN ________________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! insert any generic country there. not that paris is original. like i said before, i wasnt expecting that experience at all. but i guess i still got a little down bc i feel like everyone around me IS having that much fun while i just dont feel that excited. i know i should be shitting my pants to be in PARIS but im not. i will begrudgingly give up some of that to culture shock. the other part i dont really know. partially the lack of sunlight, although i have a hard time believing that seeing as i come from seattle where the sun is as rare if not more so than paris. i think i was coming to the brink of a lexi meltdown. if any of you have witnessed one of these, its not pretty. aka: rachel (hey remember that one time on the floor? o wait that was every weekend) so our little excursion to the land of the sun was just what i needed to get myself out of a funk. i readjusted my attitude and im going to let go of any anger i have towards things here. yes i will point out that its really fucking annoying that i have to avoid dog shit every time i walk out my door or that even when i try to speak french people feel the need to speak english to me, but i will not simmer over how much it pisses me off. its just paris and i cant change it. what i can do is get the FUCK over myself and start being proactive and positive. kate hunter and i will be going to all the monuments and be tourists bc guess what WE ARE TOURISTS. we will speak french even when we get responses in english. (sorry for throwing you guys in this but its a team effort right? meow...) i dont wanna come back and have regrets about my experience bc of what i did or didnt do. im going all out and letting myself be open to experiences and not be afraid of looking stupid (not hard) or making mistakes.
on a less soul searching note....teeps is arriving tomorrow night and im so excited that im shaking with anticipation of attacking her in gare du nord. shes bringing me gifts of america aka dryer sheets and i cant fucking WAIT. its also my 21st in a week so we will be running all over town. ive requested a bucket list as my only gift and im pretty sure that singing and or dancing in the metro for money will be involved. im a little terrified bc i think kate will take this really seriously and i will end up naked passed out in the metro right next to a hobo with a mustache tattooed on my face. on the upside ive always wanted a mustache tattoo. nothing a little makeup cant deal with RIGHT!??!?!?!??!?! i really hope i can show teepsy a good time bc i feel like she has high expectations for my expertise. ill just fake it till i make it. anyways the hw calls bc i apparently have a test tomorrow? blah id rather lie in bed and eat butter cookies.